Today’s Featured Video: Live Reporter Slaps Drunk Guy…

Why didn’t the dude just put his arm around him and include him in the broadcast?  Dumb tv people….

First Funny in the Morning!

Things That Make You Go “EWWWW!”

• Pancake-size wad of chunky peanut butter sitting on your new couch.
• Large bug stuck under an operating windshield wiper.
• Used Q-tip floating in a bowl of clam chowder
• Chewing gum stuck to the armpit hair of a large German woman named Helga.
• Cavity-filled tooth sticking out of a pear in the supermarket produce section.
• Fingernail floating in an unopened bottle of soda pop.
• Big sneeze in the middle of a nosebleed.
• While popping a zit — it squirts on the mirror!

How about ANOTHER First Funny in the Morning?

Least Popular Charitable Organizations!

• Rappers Without Retirement Plans
• Partnership for a Free-Drugs America
• American Red Crossdressers
• Proctologists Anonymous
• Salivation Army
• Slave the Children
• Unplanned Parenthood
• Habitat for Humanity’s Mansions for Millionaires
• Mothers FOR Drunk Driving
• The Society for the Preservation of Smallpox
• Guys Named Steve Who Could Use a Couple Extra Bucks

Today’s Stories…

• Social Security audit finds dead people getting checks

Guess the Year!

• OPEC oil embargo begins
• American Indians, who’d held the village of Wounded Knee for 10 weeks, surrender.
• “Exorcist,” starring Linda Blair and rated X, premieres.
• 39th Heisman Trophy Award: John Cappelletti, Penn State (RB)
• Piano Man from Billy Joel is a top song

Guess the Year answer: 1973

Impossible Question!
27% of people are addicted to this. What is it?
Answer: Tanning
Winner: Garth Hurley from Paulina, Iowa (Texter)

FAST FACTS

• The collective noun for a group of otters is a romp.
• Bob Hawk downed 40 ounces of beer in 12 seconds in 1954 to set a world record. He then went on to become Australia’s prime minister.
• The 57 on Heinz ketchup bottle represents the varieties of pickles the company once had.
• The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper.
• On a clear, moonless night with no obstructions, the human eye can see the light of a single match as far as fifty miles away.
• Guards at the Alamos, Mexico jail must serve out the remaining sentence of any prisoner that escaped while they were on watch.
• In Puerto Rico, wiggling one’s nose means roughly, “What’s going on?”
• Gorillas can’t swim.