4:50am… Had a serious discussion with “bed” this morning.   After a long week of little sleep, “bed” will be getting some serious overtime work this weekend. 

5:30am… Stimulus Payment Information

Taxpayers could be getting more Economic Stimulus —  the following are some questions and answers regarding the government payments:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
 A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China?

A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

- If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.
- If you spend it on gasoline, it will go to  the Arabs.
- If you purchase a computer, it will go to India.
- If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala (unless you buy organic).
- If you buy a car, it will go to Japan.
- If you purchase useless crap, it will go to Taiwan.

And none of it will help the American economy.  We need to keep that money here in America. You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it beer and wine (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the U.S.

6:12am… Today’s Stat: 30%.  According to a gambling lobbyist,  that’s the amount of SD State Revenue lost if no-smoking laws are extended to video lottery machine areas.  Funny how law makers “have to think about it” when it comes to saving lives vs. saving revenue.

6:18am… First Funny in the Morning!
Since consumers are pulling back on their use of ATMs, not writing as many checks, the result is…  fewer customers are requiring overdrafts. So some financial institutions are seeing dwindling levels of what’s known in the industry as “non-interest income,” which includes ATM, overdraft and other customer service fees.

Other Ways Banks Can Make Money!
· Set up toll booths at all drive up windows.
· $5 fee to use a bank pen.  $7 if it works.
· Set up a jewelry kiosk for people standing in line at the teller windows.
· Tellers can accept tips.
· Rent out empty bank vaults as studio apartments.
· $10 fine to anyone who says the word “balance.”
· Sell your personal information online.
· Sell White Castles from 9pm - 4am.
· Charge people who have to open their car door to reach the ATM.
· Get an oil change while waiting in line.

· Charge kids for the suckers.

6:30am… The Super Bowl with Marth Stupert.  Listen: Martha

6:35am… Holy unintended consequences! Beginning February 10th, it will be ILLEGAL to sell toys that have high levels of toxic materials in it or on it.   Congress passed the ban aimed primarily at manufacturers and importers… however, it’s reach extends to thrift stores, online sites – such as eBay and EVEN garage sales!  That means if you sell someone a toy with high levels of toxic materials – YOU are liable!

6:58am… What? Global warming is a SCAM?  Read what John Coleman, founder of the Weather Channel has to say: Click Here Among other things he says, “Global Warming. It is the hoax. It is bad science. It is a high jacking of public policy. It is no joke. It is the greatest scam in history.”

7:04am… The South Dakota Senate has refused to get rid of a law that will require students to stay in high school until their 18th birthday.  The law will take effect on March 1st. Rapid City Sen. Gordon Howie sought to repeal the law before it took effect.  He says students who don’t want to be in school will disrupt classrooms. (And he is right… they shouldn’t be in school if they don’t want to be there.  However, let me offer the following: For every kid who doesn’t graduate, do they don’t get to lay around the house or make trouble in the community? No, rather… until they get their diploma or GED, they are to be confined to a communicty work crew.  Play ‘em about $3 an hour and don’t give them much freedom.  Perhaps THAT will get their attention –because as you know, statistics show that those who drop out of school are more likely to commit crimes and be on welfare.)

7:18am… Guess the Year!
· President Bush announces the start of  Operation Desert Storm.
· Financially strapped Eastern Airlines shuts down after 62 years in business.
· Pete Rose  leaves an Illinois federal prison camp and checked into a halfway house in Cincinnati to complete his sentence for cheating on his taxes.
· Thelma & Louise is in theatres
· Can’t Stop This Thing We Started, Bryan Adams

The answer will appear at the bottom of the blog

7:30am… Don’t you get tired of “politician talk”?  They always talk about how they are “serving the people”….. baloney.   95% of folks who get into politics — are their to serve their own bloated egos. Listen: ego

7:47am… Yep/Nope Headlines!
· ”Al Gore Catches Cold During Global Warming!”  Nope. Global warming had nothing to do with it. He blames  Bush.
· ”Unemployment Office Lays Off Employees!” Nope! The ones laid off would just have to get in line, it would get too busy and they’d have to rehire them.
· ”Infant Gets Dad Arrested By Dialing 911!” Yep! In White Rock, British Columbia a 29-year old Canadian man was arrested by police after his 11-month old son accidentally pressed 911 on a mobile phone he gave his baby to play with. After hearing no one on the other end, 911 operators traced the call and sent police. When officers made a routine inspection of the house they found dad’s 500 marijuana plants inside.
· ”Police Claim Man Turns Into Goat While Being Arrested”   Yep! At least according to the Daily Vanguard– one of Nigeria’s biggest daily newspapers. According to the report, police came upon two guys trying to steal a car. While one got away, the other allegedly transformed himself into a goat.

7:57am… Today in History!
1649…England’s King Charles suddenly went from 6’1 to 5’2 1/2.   Guillotines generally have effect.

8:18am… What ELSE is Happenin’?
Economists report that profits are down for porn, strippers, and gambling. Last week Congress got a bailout request from  Satan.

Jackie Chan says he’s going green by letting the crew on his film sets only flush the toilet  once — at the end of the day.

Authorities in Latrobe, Pennsylvania say a 17-year-old guy thought it was a good idea to play with a huge firework — believed to be an M-80 —  by repeatedly lighting and extinguishing the fuse. The last time was the charm and he couldn’t put it out. What did he do? He put it between his thighs and covered it with his right hand in hopes of muffling the explosion!!! He’s hospitalized with severe injuries.

8:45am… Impossible Question
The largest one made by man weighed 26 tons.  Depending on where you live, you many have seen several smaller ones this morning.  What is it?
Answer: Icicles
Winner: Bret Bloominrader from Highmore, South Dakota

Guess the Year answer: 1991