December 16th, 2008
6:12am… Stat of the Day: 42% of people have fallen asleep on the job. (What?? ONLY 42%? Who hasn’t slept on the job?)
6:18am… First Funny in the Morning!
Signs the Santa at the Mall is Crazy!
· He has nasty chewing tobacco streaks in his beard.
· Insists on blowing his nose in your child’s hair.
· Right before the souvenir photo is snapped, he whispers, “This year, you’re getting *squat*!”
· Gives each kid a candy cane, except he pulls them out from his nose.
· When kids say, “My daddy says you’re not really Santa!”, he responds with, “He’s not really your daddy.”
· If the kid doesn’t want a candy cane from his nose, he gives the kid a pack of smokes.
· Speaking of smokes… While it’s admittedly a nifty trick, blowing smoke rings out of his tracheotomy hole is scaring the heck out of the kiddies.
6:30am…Volunteers in South Dakota are asked to make fudge for South Dakota Prison inmates. Fudge is just one item in a Holiday Package that is distributed to inmates each year. Other items in the package: Hard candy, peanuts, candy canes and a Christmas card.
Items the inmates WISH were in the Holiday Package:
-Porn
-Perhaps a commercial grade file
-AND a super sharp shank!
What else?
Impossible Question: Experts say thinking of THIS will give you an instant energy boost! What is it? Answer: Your favorite song Winner is Mark Wilcox from Marcus, Iowa
Former Iowa State Football Coach Gene Chizik is the new coach at Auburn. Watch the video and see how he is being received in Alabama…
People are WAY too sensitive. “Saturday Night Live” is under attack for airing a skit portraying the Governor of New York as incompetent simply because he can’t see… See for yourself!