A First Funny in the Morning I passed on for on-air, but would like to share with YOU, online!

Ways Barfing Is Better Than What Your Mother-In-Law Cooks For Thanksgiving!
• After you barf, you feel better
• You can barf whenever you want
• When you barf, you don’t have to wait in line
• Barf is always warm
• You can lose weight barfing
• You don’t have to pay to barf
• Barf is SUPPOSED to look like that
• You don’t have to barf everyday
• After you barf, at least you know what you’ve eaten
• A dog will eat barf
• After you barf, at least there is some taste in your mouth

6:18am… The First Funny in the Morning!
 THINGS YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR ON THANKSGIVING . . . . . . .
· Before saying grace, we’d like to read the entire Old and New Testament.
· If Uncle Jethro gets a little frisky after a couple cocktails, there’s a police taser in the front closet.
· The guy behind the deli counter was somewhat hearing impaired and accidentally gave me a 16-pound Thanksgiving Spam.
· Nowhere in the instructions did it say “remove plastic bag first!”
· We stuffed the turkey with old newspapers.
· The tv is still in the shop, but we can see the COwboys game on my neighbor’s tv through this window.
· Five bucks to anyone who finds grandma’s teeth in the dressing.
· It’s Tofurkey!

6:58am… Ross M. Walsh, 26, of Linden, Iowa, and Lois K. Feldman, 38, of Carroll, Iowa, were cited for misdemeanor indecent conduct after cops found a crowd of 15 men cheering them on as they had sex in a handicaped bathroom during the Minnesota Gophers - Iowa Hawkeyes game at the Metrodome in Minneapolis. My favorite part of the story: Walsh was released to his girlfriend and Feldman to her husband. Police said the pair were “drunk”. As if there were any doubt.

7:30am…President Bush pardoned a man who mistakenly killed two bald eagles when he put poison in hamburger meat – His intention was to kill wolves.  Know what the worst part about killing a bald eagle with poison hamburger? You can’t eat ‘em.

8:32am.. The Greg Wagner Thanksgiving Holiday Feast:

Greg

Entree’s Featured at the Wild Wagner Family’s Wild Game Feast for 33 people on Thanksgiving Day with leftovers to be served on the following day during the Nebraska vs. Colorado football game:
 
4 - 16/18 lbs. Wild turkeys (one smoked, one roasted and two in the turkey fryer)
8- Rooster pheasants (all smoked)
10 - Bobwhite quail (wrapped in bacon and grilled)
6 - Canada Geese (oven-baked in wine sauce) 
4 - Mallard ducks (roasted and served with Sauerkraut)
3- Venison Roasts (”smoked” in a wet smoker with lime juice, crushed garlic cloves and wild sage leaves)
8- “Smoked” wild rainbow trout (whole) from Nebraska’s Snake River valley
2- Large Northern Pike (”Pickled” well in advance and served in small chunks like pickled herring)
10 - 1 lbs. channel catfish fillets from the Missouri River made into a very tasty, big gumbo in a big pot over an open fire that we call (”Mighty Mo Catfish Gumbo”)
 
THE BIZARRE CATEGORY

The Mystery Dish = 2 - Large Snapping Turtles (The meat washed, cut up, breaded with flour, eggs & cracker crumbs and then deep-fat fried in hot oil, called Turtle Nugget Delight)

1- Raccoon (Boiled until tender, seasoned, then slow-cooked in an oven with a drip pan and shredded into small pieces, blended with a Kansas City-style barbecue sauce) 

1- Beaver (Slow-roasted with chili powder, vinegar & bacon drippings until the meat falls of the bones, then shredded and mixed with a Texas-style barbecue sauce)

8:45am… Impossible Question: By the end of this year, we will have spent $8-Billion on these.  What are they?  Answer: Christmas decorations  Winner: Amy Kubal from Scotland, South Dakota.